Running from Running

"Hope is nature's veil for hiding truth's nakedness."
~Alfred Nobel


"Even if you hide yourself from the world, don’t lose sight of your real nature."
~ Japanese Proverb

Look at that picture for a moment. That was October of 2010 in Victoria. The last few hundred feet of that fateful marathon which I will never forget. I look pretty good, I have to say. You would never know how much pain I was enduring and had endured, right? I was about to crumple under the weight of a PR that was 36 seconds too slow. Fall to my knees and wonder if I was dying or experiencing life to the fullest. Pain sets in, and the world slips away. You know what would have made that run even worse?

Cold.

The cold air has become my increasingly grouchy companion. The cold air makes a bad running day worse. In the summer it is sheer joy to throw on a pair of shorts and shoes (and literally that is it) and head out for 5 to 10 miles nearly every single day. The days get shorter in a hurry. The cool air from the ocean flows inland in much larger volumes and the evenings carry with them the need for more blankets. In the morning, I am stiff and sore, feeling delicate.

I am due for a run and I sit contemplating longer than normal. Sure, I am running less than I would be during the summer, but that is not unusual. I feel guilt for waiting, for hesitating. Now its not just physical, its psychological. I remind myself of the record: This is only the second year since 2004 that I am not running the Seattle Marathon. The dangerous spiral continues: I wonder if I will ever look as good as that picture above (read the previous blog entry, now). Inertia. It is hard to get something moving that hasn't moved much each week. I have been running two days a week. Not much. It is hard to make aging muscles and bones go willingly into the cold and exert themselves. It is hard for most people even in the warm, summer days to do this, imagine the gravity they must be experiencing?

Collect myself, remember that getting myself out NOW, in the cold against my will and inertia, will only make it easier when I have rough mornings in the reasonably warm days of summer. At least that is what I tell myself. The harsh conditions separate us into those that aren't willing to make the sacrifice and those that are and my own experience tells me that those willing to make it out on the cold, rainy days will be better prepared when it really counts. And I have faith in the dividends that will pay for me. It is true for anything where devotion to a craft is involved, where the time spent just "doing" is as valuable as time spent perfecting and fine-tuning.

And so, off into the cold wind. It is clear, crisp, and a good day to go running. My shoes feel hard, my body tight, and my mind unsure; which means all is right where it is supposed to be.